Life Currently

nerves and other things

It is midmorning here and also my sister-in-law's due date for a little bundle of joy that we will call Charlotte Elizabeth. I'm writing this not feeling like I'll have very many things that are worthwhile to say. I'm wondering what I'll eat for lunch today, while simultaneously wondering if I'll become an aunt? 

I received my Visa in the mail yesterday and I suppose that is as official as things can get other than the upcoming departure itself.

I am nervous and excited all at the same time. no, it does not feel real yet that I am moving. probably won't until I am boarding the plane that will take me to Madrid... I graduated college in May and accepted a job that will take me to another continent. I am leaving comfort and security, the people I love most in this world- my sweet family and wonderful friends. 

incredibly joyful: that's how I feel. 

Joyful that I get the privilege of having this experience. Joyful that I will be able to immerse myself in another culture and way of life. Joyful that I get to walk through this scary and lonely time with the understanding that the life Christ offers me is greater than any other. I know that even though I am going halfway across the world "alone" I am not really alone at all. I'll probably cry a lot and hopefully laugh some too. Joyful that I get to see the world in this way. I can't wait to learn more about other people and myself during my time in Spain. My hope is that I will jump in fully and taste and see how good the Lord is during this season of the life that he has given me so abundantly. My hope is that I will adventure fully and love people deeply and let myself be known by others even when I'd rather put up those stupid walls- not let anyone in.

This summer, I watched so many incredible things happening around me in the lives of people I dearly love. I had the joy of watching my first best friend in college marry the man whom her soul loves. I watched my roommate travel halfway across the world to live in Mongolia for the summer. I watched my lifelong best friend move to a new city to begin her life at a new job. I watched my brother and his wife prepare for the life of their first child. Truly, I am in living in awe and wonder of this abundant life. 

I had a friend tell me this summer that when she came to know Christ, she fell to her knees and wept with joy saying, "I didn't know he loved me this much." Isn't it unbelievable? To think that he loves you and me this much. We have been given this beautiful world to explore and I cannot wait to jump in. Yet most of all, I am looking forward to the opportunity to know others more deeply. People from another continent and culture. People who don't look like me, don't speak English, don't dress like me. I am expecting to fail a lot and probably be awkward and weird. Hopefully I'll make friends that like to laugh... and cry, too.

So yes, I am giddy with excitement to begin a journey that I am sure will be fun and adventurous. But I am also joyful for the opportunity to be challenged. Joyful for the times that I will be lonely and afraid and utterly lost in a giant city where no one speaks my native language. Joyful that there will be hard times to come and joyful for all of the good times as well. Because in this, I will get to experience the reality of what it means to be found in Christ alone. In dark times and in light, he has withheld nothing about his heart from me. How wonderful it is- this beautiful life that we get to live.